Hidden secrets
by george2507
Summary: What happens in the ED when a certain staff member holds in a important secret.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a new fic based on Ruth and Jay. I hope you like it; I have a few more ideas on where to go with it. Please review so I know whether to continue with it. I don't own casualty.**_

Today's shift was hard; everyone was emotionally and physically exhausted. On-one more than Ruth as she had lost all her patients, one was a young boy he had been trapped under a train carriage and he stood no chance but it still hurt Ruth, he had so much to live for .it was a life wasted. When she told his parents the mother broke down in Ruth's arms luckily Tess was at hand to guide the grieving mother to her office. As she clicked the staffroom door open the appeal of the sofa was too much, she threw her trainers off and collapsed onto the sofa.

Jay had just finished his equally exhausting shift, as he poked his head into the staffroom he noticed Ruth's still form lying on the sofa. He smiled to himself before turning the handle and approaching her. He crouched down quietly to see her face, her eyes were lightly shut and her lips were pouted she looked perfect in his eyes and all he wanted to do was sit and watch her sleep. Just as he went to lock the door to give them some privacy Big Mac and Noel burst through the door.

'Jay mate ready for the pub?' Jay glared at the pair as Ruth jolted slightly but didn't wake.

'Be quite will you, Ruth's sleeping.' He pushed them out of the staffroom and lightly shut the door.

'Sorry mate, so you coming down the pub were all going in a minute?' Jay bit his lip, he knew that he and Ruth hadn't made any arrangements to do anything tonight but they were still a couple and he didn't want to leave his girlfriend sleeping in the staffroom alone.

'Umm I'll catch you up; I'll wait for Ruth to wake up.' Noel sighed deeply.

'Come on Jay she won't mind, we always go for a drink after a shift. Are you going to let miss frosts in there change our routine?'

'Wait a minute, she's my girlfriend and she didn't tell me to wait I'm doing it because I want to. Ok?' Jay said angrily at Noel.

'Alright mate, I wasn't trying to upset you I was just saying.' Jay bowed his head in acceptance

'I know I'll see you later then.' Big Mac patted Jay on the back as he headed back into the staffroom.

As Jay entered back into the staffroom, he turned to see Ruth sat up and looking back at him, her hair was out of place and her scrubs were creased.

'Hey.' Jay smiled at Ruth.

'Hey.' Ruth sounded awkward as she smoothed down her hair.

'Tired? I thought I should let you sleep. You looked so peaceful.' He sat down next to her, as she yawned.

'It's been a long day...' She trailed off.

'I know.' A silence fell between the pair, both unsure of what to say.

'Everyone's gone to the pub, do you fancy it?' Jay spoke breaking the silence that had fallen.

'I'm not in the mood. I just want to get home.' Jay nodded, but feeling slightly disappointed.

'Ok, I'll walk you home.' Jay stood up and walked to his locker.

Ruth could sense the disappointment in his voice and knew that he wanted her to come to the pub, she didn't know why she never spoke she just sat there and listening to the jokes. But Jay told her he didn't like going if she wasn't there as he felt lonely, which she never understood as he was always the centre of any conversation .so how he could feel lonely is beyond her. She sighed deeply and approached him knowing what she needed to do.

'One drink.' Ruth mumbled.

'What?' Jay span around to face her.

'One drink, that's all.' Ruth said cheekily.

'I thought...' Jay didn't get a chance to speak as Ruth placed a finger on his lips and prevented him talking.

'I changed my mind.' Ruth stuck her tongue out and opened her locker to remove her coat and bag.

After a short walk to the local pub, Ruth and Jay arrived hand in hand outside the pub. As Jay went to enter Ruth pulled his hand back and he turned to face her.

'What's up babe?' Jay removed his free hand from his pocket and took her free hand.

'I...I.' Ruth stumbled over her words as Jay looked back at her.

'Babe?' Jay looked confused.

Ruth paused for a moment before speaking' Nothing.' Ruth shrugged off.

'You sure?' He eyed her up as she nodded.

'Yeah, come on then its cold out here.' Jay laughed at her and led her through to the crowded pub.

'Jay!'Noels voice bellowed through the pub.

'Boy's.' Jay laughed at Noel as he stood up to greet the pair.

'We thought you weren't coming down.' Adam clapped Jay on the back as he sat down next to him and Charlie.

'Yeah I was...'Jay trailed off as he spotted Ruth hadn't joined him; he looked around for her and spotted her sitting with the girls.

'Right who wants a drink?' Jay announced standing up and making his way towards the bar.

As he made his way towards the bar he couldn't resist the need to speak to Ruth so he slid in behind her and crouched down ready to surprise her.

'What do you want?' Jay's soft voice came into Ruth's ears.

She quickly span her head around to look at him 'Coke please.' She smiled at him before turning back round.

'Am I that bad?'Jay joked making Ruth turn her head again.

'What?'She frowned at him.

'Why you sitting over here, I miss you.' Ruth laughed at his cuteness before leaning up and kissing his lips softly.

'I suppose I can cope for a few minutes.' He smirked before walking off towards the bar and ordering the drinks. Pleased that Ruth now had the confidence to sit alone, even if he wanted to be sat next to her holding her hand.

After their friends had departed from the pub and off in there taxis, Jay and Ruth were the only two left behind. As they stepped out the last of the sun was just disappearing and it blinded Ruth, she turned her head away from it and her face came within centre meters from Jay's and he couldn't resist he moved closer and catch her lips in a deep kiss, moving his arms around her waist and drawing her in even closer.

As they broke apart a large smile graced lips his lips as Ruth tucked her head into his chest.' Stay at mine tonight. Please.' Jay's head did a double take as Ruth spoke, she never asked him to stay. Only when they had arranged or when she was upset and neither of them had happened. They were making progress he thought.

'Sure.' He said happily before kissing her forehead.

As they headed off down the road Jay couldn't help but smile at their progress but Ruth had something on her mind and she didn't know how to tell him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Please keep reviewing; I like to know where to go with it. I hope you like this chapter.**_

There were so many words Jay could use to describe how he felt right now. True it wasn't a special occasion or anything but he couldn't get rid of that feeling in the pit of his stomach as he watched Ruth sleep. She was such a peaceful sleeper she never snored or jolted she always lay still wrapped up in the bed covers, not a worry in the world. A contrast to when she was awake. He lifted his hand and ran his fingers lightly across her cheek, loving lying next to her.

Her eyes flickered open.

'Morning angel.' He smiled at her as she ducked her head to move under his arm to get closer to him.

'What's the time?' Ruth says softly as Jay reaches over and grabs his phone.

'Umm...Half seven.' He shut his phone and kissed her forehead gently.

'No, I don't want to get up.' Ruth complained as Jay laughed at her.

'Neither do I.'

'Well there's no change there then.' Ruth snorted at him before throwing back the bed covers and climbing out dressed in his t-shirt from last night to Jay's amusement.

'What is it with you and my clothes?' He sat up as she poked her head out from the bathroom.

'Pardon?'Ruth frowned at him as he pulled on his jeans from last night.

'Whenever I stay over or you come to mine you always sleep in my t-shirts. What is it?' He smirked as she laughed at him.

'They smell of you and there comfortable.' Ruth said innocently.

'Aww babe, that's sweat. But what am I suppose to wear now.' He gestured to his bare chest.

'Umm...well you could go topless.' Ruth ran her fingers up his chest, sending a shiver down his spine.

'Well you might like that but I don't think Tess will be on side.' Jay bit his lip.

'Fine. Why don't you go back to yours in this top and then get changed.' Ruth entered her bedroom again and removed one of her t-shirts so Jay could get his top back.

'But I wanted to walk in with you.' Jay complained.

'Stop being soppy. If you had brought clothes with you then you wouldn't have to.' Ruth hit him playfully.

'Well I didn't know I was going to stay over.' He stuck his tongue out cheekily at her.

'I can't help it when I want to share a bed with my boyfriend.' Ruth said suggestively

'I never said it was a bad thing, but now I have to go home.' She wrapped her arms around his neck and leant up on her tiptoes and kissed him softly.

'Well why you not move some of your clothes over here so you don't always have to go home.' Ruth blushed as Jay looked at her in shock. He was completely shocked he knew Ruth wasn't saying move in completely but it was a step forward and that was all that counted.

'Are you being serious?' He replied.

'Why not?' She shrugged before Jay grabbed her from around the waist and hugged her tightly. After a while Jay released his grip and Ruth headed through to the bathroom. When she returned she was changed into a pair of jeans and her own t-shirt.

'Right you better go if you're going to be on time for work.' Ruth said throwing him his t-shirt at him.

'I don't want to.' Jay pouted.

'Just go!' Ruth said sternly, pushing him towards her bedroom door.

'Alright, alright. I'm going; I'll see you at work.' He said before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek and disappearing of down the stairs.

Love.

He was in love and knew he was in deep. He knew it was love from the moment he woke and he saw her lying next to him, he hadn't told her yet, this was Ruth you never knew whether where you were with her. But he still knew he loved her. And that feeling wouldn't go away as he walked back to his Nan's place. He hoped he could just creep in get changed and grab some clothes for tonight, because if his Nan caught him she would make him sit down and explain where he had been and he didn't have time for that. Fair enough his Nan had met Ruth but she didn't think that they were that serious and if she found out there would be too many questions like. Are you getting married? What about settling down? Is she pregnant? And boy he didn't want to talk to his Nan about all that, well not now anyway.

As he approached the familiar door he pulled his keys from his pocket and slid them into the lock, as he entered the atmosphere seems different usually at this time of morning his Nan and sister would be awake and having breakfast but the house was silent. As he crept across the hall towards the kitchen, he heard voices coming from the longue, knowing better than to go in and say hi he made his way towards the stairs, just as he took to the steps the door swung open and his sister appeared with her hands on her hips facing him.

'Where you going?' Her voice sounded dull and Jay could tell something was wrong.

'Sis...I was just going to get changed, I've got work in a bit.' He turned to face her.

'Nan wants you.' Jay frowned at her; she never spoke to him like that.

Jay sighed deeply before coming back downstairs and entering the longue. Confusion. That was the first thing that hit Jay as he entered the room, his Nan, sister and a mystery women were sat in there. Was he in trouble? Who was she? Is Tess going to kill me for being late? All these questions unanswered.

'Jay sit down.' His Nan's voice entered her ears bringing him back to reality.

'Nan I need to get changed. I've got work.' He gestured to his watch; he knew his Nan never liked him to be late.

'I'm not going to tell you again sit down.' She sounded angry and it took Jay by surprise.

After a few groans Jay flopped down onto the sofa and turned to face his Nan.

'Jamshid this is Kate. But you already know her so let's get rid of the introductions.' He stared back at his Nan confused at what she had said.

'What are you on about?' He turned to look at Kate as she sat on the sofa opposite from him, she was shuffling awkwardly on the edge of the sofa and he could faintly make out someone sitting behind her. As she lifted her head to look at him, it clicked.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Please review good or bad so I know how to improve. I'm not sure about this chapter but it builds up to a better one.**_

'What are you doing here?' Jay's voice was full of frustration as he sat up and faced her.

He had reason to be mad in his book. They had a one night stand, meaning they didn't need to see each other especially not in front of his Nan. He remembered the night, he had gone out with the lads and they were moving around the clubs and pubs and he was getting steadily drunk as they moved around. As they entered another club Jay saw a blonde stood eyeing him up. She was dressed in a revealing black dress and she had extremely high heels on, she had long blonde hair and was covered in makeup. A complete opposite to Ruth .she winked at him and he could resist but go and say hi. When he reached her she moved closer to him, the sparkle from her lip gloss calling him to kiss her. He lent forward and asked her if she wanted a drink and she nodded in agreement, a few more drinks down she was all over him she was running her fingers through his hair and kissing his neck drawing the attention from others and Jay decided they needed to be more private so he took her hand and stumbled out from the club.

'Where we going?' She slurred as Jay pulled her against the wall and began to kiss her.

'Mine or yours?' Jay said cheekily as he pulled away and breathed into her neck.

'Mine.' She giggled.

The next thing that he remembered was waking up in someone's bed and having a massive headache. He turned over and was faced with a sleeping blonde; he rubbed his eyes and sat up ready to get changed. He knew he had the rule always stay for breakfast but he needed to get to a job interview, so he planned to just grab his clothes and make a swift exit, as he slipped on his jeans he heard a fumble coming from the bed and he turned around to face his sleeping partner.

'Moring...' He trailed off.

'Morning.' She smiled at him pulling the bed sheets up to cover herself.

'I need to get off, I hope you don't mind.' He pulled his t-shirt over his head and began looking for his shoes.

'Yeah sure. You were fun last night...' She looked at him trying to remember his name.

'Jay, its jay and you are.' He laughed at how stupid they both looked.

'Kate.' He winked at her as he slipped on his shoes.

'Well Kate this was fun but I really have to be somewhere.' He said cheekily causing her to laugh. And that was it he left her flat and ran off towards the bus stop, not expecting to see Kate again.

'Jamshid, Jamshid.' He was shifted from his thought s by his Nan shouting him.

'You still haven't answered my question what are you doing here?' He snapped at Kate as a tear slipped down her face.

'I...I couldn't get hold of you...After.' She stuttered causing Jay to sigh in frustration.

'I needed to tell you something...I was...I mean.' she began to fumble with her hair again.

'What? What do you want to tell me?' Kate took a deep breath in and turned to face Jay.

'I was pregnant.' She stood up and allowed Jay to see the small boy sat next to her on the sofa.

'This is your son Jay.' Jay's faced paled as he looked back at the young boy staring at him.

He didn't know what to say, he felt like he had sand in his mouth and had lost the ability to speak. All of them stared at him as he looked blankly back at the young boy clinging to his mother's hand. All jay could think about was Ruth and how he was going to tell the women he loved that he could be a father, what would she say? Would it be...Over?

'I need some space.' Jay said blankly before standing up and leaving the room.

'Jamshid, you need to sort this out.' Jay could hear his Nan's voice calling him back but all he could do right now was walk.

'Hey you.' Ruth said to Jay as she entered the staffroom.

She didn't get a reply though he just continued to remove his jeans and pull on his scrubs.' Jay, why are you so late? You left mine ages ago and your still late.' Ruth frowned at him.

'I had stuff to do.' He mumbled and Ruth could barely hear him.

'Well did you get your clothes to put at mine.' She went and stood at his side

'No.' Jay said simply and continued to rummage in his locker.

'Oh, don't matter. We can get them later.' Ruth could sense something was wrong Jay never ignored her.

'Whatever.' Ruth was shocked by his response he was so excited about moving some of his stuff in and now he didn't look like he cared at all.

'Jay babe what's up?' Ruth grabbed Jay's wrist and forced him to face her.

'Nothing. I just need to get to work.' He gave her a weak smile before slamming his locker shut and leaving the staffroom.

Ruth didn't understand he was so excited about their plans this morning and now he didn't even want to be in her company. What had happened between the time he had left her s and gone home? And when was she going to be able to tell him her secret?


	4. Chapter 4

He couldn't sleep; no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get to sleep. All he could think about was yesterday and when Kate told him he was a father. He sighed deeply staring up and the plain white ceiling wondering how he had got into his situation. After lying there for another hour he pulled himself from his bed deciding that if he couldn't sleep he needed something that would wake him up, so he headed down stairs for a tea. As he walked down the stairs he tried to be quite knowing better than to wake his Nan, she was already angry at him he knew better than to make the situation even worse. Flicking on the kettle Jay sighed at the sight of the water boiling before leaning his head on the side and closing his eyes.

'Jamshid, why are you up at three in the morning?' Jay's head rose as his Nan's soft voice entered his ears.

'Nan...I was just...Umm.' He stuttered over his words unsure what to say.

'Jamshid sit down, I think we need to talk.' The small lady entered the kitchen and sat down on the seat at the table.

He paused for a while wondering whether he could deal with his conversation right now, but he knew he was going to have to talk soon. So he nodded in agreement before turning back to the kettle and pouring himself and his Nan a tea.

'There you go.' Jay said placing a mug in front of his Nan and joining her at the table on the seat opposite her.

As he looked at her he couldn't help but see the disappointment in her eyes, she had always been there for him brought him up taught him right from wrong and look at him now. She always helped him through things. He remembered when she had given him advice about how to get Ruth to trust him, she was right then, maybe she would help him with this as well.

'What do I do?' Jay spoke suddenly taking his Nan by surprise.

'What do you want to do?' her accent made Jay smile; she always knew how to lighten the mood.

'I don't know its all come at me too fast.' Jay mumbled as tears came to his eyes.

'Oh Jamshid, come here.' Tears began to fall from his eyes and he felt her arms wrapping around his body.

After a few minutes from crying into her dress gown Jay's head rose and he dried his eyes ready to start talking again.

'It was a mistake, we met a club. I was so drunk I didn't think about anything. I never expected this.' She bowed her head at him. She knew that he was hurting but she also knew that he had to take responsibility, he had a son now.

'You need to be there for him, make up for lost time.' She smiled sadly.

'I know it's just a shock one minute I'm Jay Faldren in a relationship having fun but now I have a kid with a women I only met once.' He puffed out his cheeks.

'I know its hard now but you have a chance to turn it around...Not be like your father.' The thought of his father made Jay shudder and then he knew that he had to be there for his son as his father had never been there for him.

'I need to see him.' Jay said bring a grin to his Nan's face.

'Jamshid I'm so proud of you, you're a better man than your father could ever be.' His Nan said bring a tear to his eye.

'Thanks Nan. Now I need to tell...' He trailed off knowing that he had to tell Ruth soon before someone else got the chance.

'She will understand Jamshid; she seems like a girl that will stand by you.' She said honestly as Jay stood up.

'I hope so.' Jay said before leaving the room and heading back upstairs.

Nervous.

That was one word to describe how he felt right now, as he walked down the roads to Kate's house. His Nan had given him the address earlier that morning and told him to go around, at first he felt like running but he knew he would be a coward and right now he needed to stand up and be a man. Then he walked to the turning of their road and every emotion possible hit him. What if he hated him? What if she wanted them to be a family? He couldn't leave Ruth...He wouldn't leave Ruth. He decided all these questions needed answers so he continued down the road until he reached their house; he took a deep breath in and took the last few steps before he reached the house.

'Jay!' Just as he went to knock the door swung open and Kate stood on the other side.

'Hey. I thought...' He paused unsure at what to say.

'Come in Nathan's through here.' She walked through and Jay followed her, feeling like his heart was in his mouth. As he entered the living room he saw Nathan sitting in the corner watching the television, Jay really didn't know what to say it felt so awkward.

'Nathan come and say hello.' Kate's voice interrupted Jay's thoughts as jay stood awkwardly by the door. Nathan got up and walked towards Jay looking slightly worried about the man stood next to his mother.

'Hey.' Jay smiled at the young boy as he spoke.

'Hey mate.' Jay gave the young boy a wink. Then a silence fell all three of them wondering what to say next.

'Do you want to play fifa?' Jay's thought were interrupted by Nathan handing him an x-box controller. He smiled at him and took it pleased that he didn't hate him. After an hour and losing three of the games Jay announced that he needed to get off.

'I better get going.' Jay stood up and ruffled the boys hair as he moved towards Kate

'Yeah, I need to get this little man in the bath.' She grinned at Nathan.

'Well maybe I could take him out one day. Get to know him.' Jay said quietly to make sure Nathan didn't hear.

'Yeah, that would be nice...You could stay if you wanted teas ready, I'm sure we have enough.' Kate bit her lip, and jay looked away from her. He wanted to spend time with Nathan but he really needed to see Ruth.

'Umm...I'm supposed to be at my girlfriends tonight, but maybe another night.' Jay said hopefully, knowing he could have blown his chance.

'Sure, another night.' Jay relaxed; he thought his chance could have gone.

'Well...I better...' he gestured to the door and Kate bowed her head. As he left the house he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulder and he could breathe again.

All he had to do now was tell Ruth.


End file.
